Another month in our lives

Another month has passed since my last update and many things have happened.

Our Jane is two months old!

Where does time go? It's true that this second month felt longer than the first but seeing Jane grow and be happy makes even the hard times worth it. Jane is already grown bigger, she holds her head up almost all the time and likes to stand up when you put her little feet on a firm surface. It also looks like her eyes are going to be blue, like her dad's which makes me happy since I really wanted a blue-eyed baby. :) She is just as good at sleeping at night. She does go to bed around 1:00 AM but then only wakes up once or twice to feed and goes right back to sleep until pretty late in the morning. I love it! She had a few nights when she cried and fussed and also had some colic for a couple of weeks but it seems that she is better now. She actually likes to fall asleep in bed rather than in someone's arms which is great. The only thing that made this second month a little worrisome is that beginning January 1st Jane started having pretty bad diarrhea. We went to the ER twice and only found out that she needs to pretty much overcome it on her own. We gave her rice water and soy formula and it seems that her diarrhea is getting better but is not completely gone even now, over a week since it started. We're still waiting for the results of her labs to see if it's the rotavirus or something else. Speaking of labs, it was so sad to see her scream as three men were holding her little body and head down to extract some stuff from her nose. I felt sick and started crying when I saw it. Let's hope that she won't have to go through awful things like that often in her life. On the 13th we'll have her two months appointment and she'll probably get her first round of shots, which I'm not looking forward to, but at least these are things that happen to all babies and will benefit her in the long run.

What makes me happy and helps me forget all sad things though is when Jane smiles at me. Her face lights up and she looks at me with her big blue eyes. I give anything to see that smile and feel her little hands and arms reach for me and grab me tight. There's no better feeling in the world.
Ruth & Eric's Wedding Luncheon

My friend Ruth got married on December 18, 2010 in Salt Lake. I was so happy to attend the luncheon held in their honor and to see her and her husband Eric and also Amy Ruesch. Ruth and I were companions in Timisoara during my LDS 6 weeks long mini-mission. We had a great time together and kept in touch after Ruth came back home to Utah and I came to BYU.

Christmas

Our Christmas Eve was fun as we opened tons of gifts, ate gingerbread cookies and drank hot chocolate. Thank you Mom for being here and making our Christmas wonderful. We probably wouldn't have had many gifts if it wasn't for her to get us a few things that we needed and some that we wanted. She got us a big Christmas tree, a vacuum cleaner and a crock-pot among other smaller things, for David she got a nice shirt, a hoodie, heads for our electric toothbrush and razor blades and, for me she got a Singer sawing machine which I'm really happy about, a pair of black pants, a shirt and a fluffy house robe. Jane got tons of clothes and toys and she also got a nice Christmas tree ornament from her mommy which she likes very much, even if in the picture it doesn't look like it. :)

From David I got a couple of crock-pot recipe books and a baby remembrance book and I got him a Wii game console and the Super Mario Galaxy game. Mom received three shirts, a pair of dressy black pants and a pair of jeans. We were all very happy with our gifts. :)

We spent Christmas day at the condo with David's family who came from Japan and Grandma and Grandpa Barlow who came from California. It was the first time that we had his entire family here for Christmas and it was a lot of fun.

We all opened gifts, had the traditional Johansen breakfast consisting of eggs, pinwheels with mince meat, sausage and OJ, played Christmas pictionary and had a traditional Romanian dinner savoring the delicious sarmale that my Mom made. Everyone loved them! :)

Jane's Blessing

The Sunday after Christmas (the 26th) we had Jane's blessing at church. Her grandma Jo made her a beautiful white satin gown for the occasion and she looked like a little angel in it. The blessing David pronounced was very special and beautiful and as he lifted her up for everyone to see, I was overwhelmed with emotion and my eyes and David's filled with tears of joy and gratitude for this beautiful baby that we are so blessed to have. We had a little get together after the blessing at our apartment, where we took pictures, had some more sarmale and had fun with family and friends. Eni, Aric and their kids came as well as Carl, Carina and Liam, and Eve, Shawn and Gabi. We had a great time together.

New Year's Eve

We spent New Year's Eve at home as a family and on New Year's day we had piftie, friptura and salata de boeuf. Yummy!

I wish David and Jane had enjoyed the celebration a little more. Why I say that? Well, as I mentioned before, Jane started having diarrhea that day while David got a nasty cold and his 19 year old cousin Richie passed away in the hospital. Not the New Year's day we expected but this too passed.

Romanian girls get-together at Lia's

On the first Monday evening of the New Year we went over at Lia's in Pleasant Grove and had tons of fun cooking supa cu galusti and playing cards. We laughed and felt good and forgot of all problems. In fact we had such a good time that we decided to make it a regular date, twice a month; so next get-together will be at my apartment and we're already looking forward to it.

Christmas Newsletter - 2010

2010 - What a year!

Here's an update on our little family and what we've been up to this year.

David and Dahlee

- We found out in March that we were expecting our first baby. The pregnancy went very well and without complications and on November 5th Jane Christina was born to us. She is a beautiful healthy baby and brings us a lot of happiness and hope.

David

- David's been trying to find a full-time salary position this year but without success. He continues to look for employment as a technology instructor and if anyone hears of some opportunities, please let us know, no matter where it is

- Borders Bookstore decided to keep him as a part-time employee after he worked for them for the holidays last year

- After a fairly long hiring process, Simply Mac, a Mac Computers retail store hired David. He's a very successful teacher for them and also sells their products

Dahlee

- Dahlee worked for McDonalds for a few months at the beginning of the year, until her pregnancy prevented her from smelling anything fried or greasy :)

- Being pregnant with Jane was a wonderful adventure and I enjoyed every bit of it. We had very little problems and when the time came I delivered Jane through cesarean section. Recovery is going well and I'm already contemplating the idea of having a new baby. It won't be for a while though... :)

Jane Christina

- She is a very good baby who sleeps well at night and likes to eat and play

- She is also very beautiful, loves to cuddle and sleep with mommy

We had many hard times and disappointments this year but we are thankful to have each other. Our love helps us through the rough times. We are thankful for the work that David has, for the help that my Mom's given us since she came in October, for the support of David's family and for many wonderful friends who stood by us no matter what. We are hopeful for the new year and plan on being strong and happy together as a family and to keep in touch with our friends.

Merry Christmas and a Wonderful 2011!

Jane is One Month Old!

I can't believe it. Jane is one month old already. It's been a pretty easy first month. We spent much time together getting to know each other. I can pretty much tell every time what Jane wants. It's pretty neat and interesting how such a small baby can communicate exactly what she needs and wants even though she can't talk and doesn't even hold her head up all the time. Speaking of holding her head, the first time she lifted it up by herself was when she was 5 days old. I had her on her tummy, propped up on my leg and she pretty much lifted herself a couple of times. It was so cool. Ch also started smiling around 3 weeks and now, at 4 weeks she smiles even more. We can't get her to smile but she does it when she feels like it.

We had our two week appointment and found out that Jane weighted 10 lbs (90 percentile) at the time and was 21 1/4 in long (95 percentile). I'm sure she's grown more since then. She is also healthy and progresses well.

We had some trouble with breastfeeding. At first I breastfed her exclusively but I was making very little milk so the nurses advised me to supplement with formula. We started her on Similac and she didn't fuss from hunger anymore but started spitting up more. We tried Similac with soy but that one smelled bad and gave her a lot of gas then finally decided on Similac Sensitive which seems to sit a little better with her. As I was hurting pretty bad, I started pumping and feeding her breast milk in the mean time and my supply increased a little but not a lot. After not giving her the breast for a while she didn't seem happy when we started that again but we're working on getting used to it again. It's just a little uncomfortable for her when the milk lets down and a gush of it fills her mouth. She chokes every time and starts crying. Sleeping's been really good the first month. She'd sleep about 4 hours straight every night and then she'd wake up to eat and be changed and would fall asleep for a few hours more. That changed recently. She sleeps in the evenings and nothing seems to wake her up but then she wakes up around 10pm and doesn't fall asleep until 1 or 2 in the morning. Then she sleeps for 2 to 4 hours after which she wakes up on and off all morning until around 2pm. We're trying to get her on a better schedule.

Her first bath (sponge bath) was pretty nice. She didn't cry much. She didn't cry when we gave her the first real bath either but taking her out of the water scared her, especially when she got cold, and that really made her cry. She doesn't mind the bath, just the after-bath experience.

My feelings had been a roller coaster this first month. In the beginning when I saw that I wasn't able to nurse her well I was really disappointed and felt like I wasn't a good enough mother for my little baby. When she didn't want to take the breast anymore after not eating that way for a couple of weeks I felt rejected and like I wasn't needed anymore. Those feelings went away as they came but it's interesting how many different feelings a new mom can experience. The feeling of being lonely and as if something was missing was something else I went through in the beginning as well. I realized that I missed my belly, feeling Jane inside me and having her with me all the time. I cried the first couple of times I left her with my mom or David at home. I knew that she was going to be ok but I had a really hard time leaving her. I still miss her a lot when I go somewhere without her and it feels so good when I come back and hold her and smell her. I love her sweet baby smell, I love staring at her tiny face and I could do it for hours, I love holding her small, light body in my arms, feeding her, playing with her, listening to her quiet sounds, kissing her chubby cheeks and her cute feet and I love it when she grabs me tight with her little hands or when she "kisses" me when she's hungry and looks for food everywhere. I just love Jane and am oh so happy to have her in my life.

Welcome into our lives, Jane Christina Johansen!

So, I did it! Jane is here! Woo hoo! I was getting close after all! :)

I've been thinking about writing this post for a couple of weeks but I just couldn't get myself to do it until now. Life is so different. All I want to do is be with Jane. I'll write Jane's birth story though because I feel that it's important and because I hope to be able to remember this experience over the years. So, here it goes.

It all really started on her due date, the 3rd of November. My mom and I went for a walk and ate something at Burger King. The whole day I'd been loosing my mucous plug and at night my constipation went away which felt pretty good. I'd read that these were signs that labor might be close but I wasn't really feeling much different than other days. Anyway, on the 4th we went to the clinic for my 40weeks appointment. We get there and the nurse hooks me up to some machine. I had no idea what she was doing but as I was lying there I started feeling pain in my belly and back. I asked the doctor if the machine was causing that pain but he said that it only measured baby's heartbeat and the amount of amniotic fluid. The pain got pretty bad making me want to sit up. Lying on my back wasn't comfortable at all. So, he checked the amount of amniotic fluid and said that it's a little low. I told him that since earlier that morning I'd been losing some sort of greenish fluid. He then checked for dilation and told me that I was a 2 but that didn't mean that I was in labor necessarily. When I got up after the exam there was more fluid coming out. The doctor checked to see if it was amniotic fluid and said that it probably was and that I should go to the hospital right away. We went to the hospital and they hooked me up to the same type of machine and checked if I was leaking amniotic fluid. After being there a little over an hour the nurse decided that what I was leaking wasn't amniotic fluid and that i should come back if I was leaking amniotic fluid, if I was having contractions or if I was bleeding. Both David and I were disappointed and a little upset that this wasn't it. I was pretty sure that what I was leaking was amniotic fluid but I couldn't be sure. So, we went to Costco and walked around to release some of the stress. I had to stop periodically as I was having a crampy type of pain that came and went. David started timing the pain that turned out to be labor contractions and and they were about 8 minutes apart with a few that didn't follow the pattern. We went home eventually and David left for work at Borders. Since I wasn't feeling too good I decided to take a nap and just take it easy for the rest of the evening. The contractions went away so I was able to rest pretty good. Soon after David came home, around 11:30PM the contractions returned and with them a gush of fluid came out. I was pretty sure that I must be in active labor or at least that my waters broke. We went to the hospital and was admitted right away. It was so funny when we arrived to the hospital and the security guard just pointed towards the elevator that we needed to take to go to Labor and Delivery without asking us anything. When we got there there was another couple who as being checked in. I was definitely in more pain than the other girl but she was leaking more and was wrapped up in a towel. I was checked in before her and was lead to a room where the nurse confirmed that my waters broke and I could stay. She hooked me up to a machine that registered the contractions and baby's heartbeat and asked me if I wanted the epidural. I first said no but after about half an hour I asked for it and the anesthesiologist came and gave it to me. It didn't really hurt much, just the shot he first gave me to numb up the spot where he introduced the catheter. The contractions hurt much more so I was relieved when I felt something warm going down towards my legs and taking the pain away with it. My left side numbed up pretty quickly but I had to turn on my right for the epidural to work on that side too. It did work in a few minutes and I was even able to sleep for a couple of hours. When the nurse checked me again I was still at 3 cm so she gave me pitocin which worked like a charm and by around 9 in the morning I was dilated to a 10. Everything seemed to be working well except for the epidural. I kept pushing that button to get more and also kept turning from side to side but after a while it worked only partially so I was able to feel most of the contractions. My back was hurting really bad and the contractions got so strong to the point where I started crying and throwing up. My body was also shaking uncontrollably so the nurse decided without asking the doctor to just have me start pushing (the doctor wanted me to wait another hour after I was fully dilated to make things easier). I felt a bit of relief when I started pushing but within a few minutes the pain got really strong again. All this time the anesthesiologist (this time a cute and happy guy from India) kept coming to give me more anesthetic and I was also pushing the button to get more of it into my body. My legs were really numb and my right side was numb to the point where I could feel a little pain but nothing unbearable. It was the left side that really hurt and especially my back. With the help of David, my sister in law Charity and the nurse I kept pushing through the contractions for a little over two hours but when Dr. Bench checked me the baby was still at stage 0, meaning she didn't descend at all. The doctor went and consulted with another doctor about what would be the best thing to do. When he came back I was crying and throwing up again and he told me that the best option would be to have a C-section since both myself and the baby were really tired and stressed and it didn't seemthat the baby was able to descend even if I kept pushing longer. As the doctor was talking I interrupted him and told him that I agree with the C-section and that we should do it as soon as possible, which turned out to be in about an hour. They gave me some really strong anesthetic that numbed me up from the chest down and took me to the Operating Room. David came with me, dressed in a funny suit and Charity stayed and waited in the labor room. The OR was really cold, which didn't help my already shivering body, but the nurses brought me a nice, warm blanket and put a tube with warm air to blow on me. As I watched the doctors get ready I kind of started to freak out because I could tell that I wasn't numbed up well enough. The anesthesiologist came and talked to me about what I was feeling then he asked me if I was ready for the operation to begin to which I answered a very categoric "NO" because I was afraid that I would feel pain. Both him and David smiled and told me than that the doctors were already cutting me open and obviously I wasn't feeling any pain. :) Not very long after, David announced that the doctors were getting really close to getting the baby out. My eyes filled with tears of excitement and anticipation. I'd forgotten about all the pain and troubles I've gone through an all I felt was happiness and strong emotions. The anesthesiologist pulled down the curtain that was separating me from the doctors and I saw dr. Bench pull Jane out of my belly. As she was coming out she started crying and I started crying with her. It was 1:08PM when she was born and she weighed 9lb 7oz and was 20 in long. The nurses took her away for a little bit to check her, and David went with them but returned soon holding Jane in his arms. She was so tiny. Her hair was really dark and her skin was red and very soft. I couldn't help but cry more as I kissed her gently on her forehead. David had to take her away again and I was left with the doctors to finish up the operation. As they were working on me I started feeling real pain this time and the anesthesiologist gave me a couple more shots that pretty much knocked me out. I could hear everyone talk and I knew that they were moving me and even talking to me but it was all like a dream. I woke up around 3PM in a different room. A couple of nurses were there as well as Charity, cousin Sara and my sweet David. Later that day my Mom came to visit, as well as Chris and his wife Miriam, Eni and Lia, and Carl and Karina. The nurses brought Jane to me and I fed her then for the first time. I couldn't believe how small and beautiful she was. I felt really happy, which happiness hasn't left me yet and I know that will linger on for a really long time.

As I look back on this experience and on the feelings I had while it happened I cannot but be amazed of the intensity of the emotions I went through. As the contractions started I became impatient and happy that we were getting really close. After being accepted into the hospital I was happy that now labor was really happening and that Jane was going to be with us soon. After the epidural stopped working properly I became anxious that this was going to be a really long process and that I will not be able to do it and finish the job. When I got to the pushing part I tried really hard to get Jane out. I wanted her out but what I was feeling was really weird. I felt like I didn't want her anymore. This feeling scared me. I knew that I did everything in my power to get her out but it just wasn't going to work out the way we planned. And her being inside my body was causing me so much pain and discomfort that I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. It was almost like it was her fault that I was going through all this. I felt better when we decided to have the C-section and as Dr. Bench took Jane out all I could feel was happiness. I'd forgotten about the pain and I just wanted to hold my baby and love her. David experienced a bunch of different emotions as well. I was so happy to see him excited about holding Jane soon but seeing him cry because I was in pain warmed my heart and deepened my love for him.

Back to the story, we were discharged from the hospital on Monday, the 8th. More feelings came over me as we arrived home and I watched Jane lie on our bed. I just wanted to cry and couldn't believe that she was there with us. It was a cry of happiness. I am so thankful for having Jane in our lives. She is a little ray of sunshine and happiness. I love holding her and watching David feed her, play with her, change her diaper and just be happy to have her. I would never go back to not having Jane and I'm just so overwhelmed with gratitude and love. I love you so much my sweet little angel!

Hmmm..... Getting close?

I'll kind of use this post as a diary and record the symptoms that I'm having during these last days of my pregnancy. I only have 8 days until due date so I don't know when Jane will show up but I'll try to keep this post updated as the days go on. Hopefully it won't be a very long post :)

So, on Oct 23 I was talking on the phone with my mom telling her how I have absolutely no symptoms that Jane might be born any time soon. While I was saying that I started feeling my belly get hard and I had mild cramps in my lower belly and back. After walking around, eating and drinking some water they went away and I was fine. The next day I got really upset about something and soon after I started feeling more intense cramping. It lasted for a few hours and walking didn't really calm these down. It helped a bit when I sat down and used the restroom. Eventually they went away only to return about an hour later. Using the restroom helped once again and I was able to sleep through the night without any problem. The next morning I got pretty sharp pain in my lower belly while I was sitting in the car but felt better when I got out. The cramps returned again after I had breakfast and lasted for a few hours but went away once again after I had some soup for lunch. Had a few mild cramps throughout the rest of the day and evening but nothing too intense. Through all this Jane hasn't been kicking too much but whenever she moves and her head and shoulders press against my lower belly it hurts pretty bad and I feel pressure everywhere down there.

We might be getting close I guess... We'll see what happens tomorrow...

Well, I'm back. A few more days have passed and no cramps any more. It was too good to be true I guess... :) I'm getting increasingly more uncomfortable with hip joint and tailbone pain and other pains along the sides of the belly. My skin itches sometimes too. The doctor said that I measure 42 cm and that Jane's heart beat is good and strong, so we're both ok. The heartburn is still terrible and I get some back aches when I sit or stand. One thing I started noticing is that I'm getting hungry every 3 to 4 hours. I'm not excited about that especially since I gained almost 20 lbs so far but I get really lightheaded if I don't eat when I need to. Weird... It's like the second trimester all over again :0 I've been walking like a mad woman sometimes for three or four hours and I think it helped some with the progress because after I walk for a while I start getting sharp pains in my pelvis that make me stop and sometimes sit for a little bit. Of course they only come and go for a while and then go away again but maybe she's descended lower now and that's what I'm feeling. Anyway, I got 4 days till due date after which the doctor said that he'll only wait another week and then induce me if I want to. We'll see what'll happen in the next few days.

I'm back. We just turned 40 weeks today so it's Nov 3rd, the estimated due date. Before yesterday I didn't really feel anything different; just lower belly pressure. Yesterday and especially today though I've been having cramps that come and go and a really weird gooey, dark yellow discharge (sorry, I know that's gross). My tummy also hurts as if I'm having a bit of indigestion and gas. I'm hoping that this combination means that I'm actually starting to dilate and that maybe I'm loosing the mucous plug. I have an appointment tomorrow and the doctor will actually check for dilation. I'm excited and feel that I'm getting closer now. Of course, I'm also feeling a little scared and anxious but knowing that I will hold Jane in my arms soon makes me happy and impatient.

Baby Johansen (Jane) Tummy - Progress

I'm creating a baby tummy album, so I'll keep adding pictures as the pregnancy progresses. Enjoy these pictures as they keep showing up! Thanks so much for watching!

40 Weeks

39 Weeks

38 Weeks

37 Weeks

36 Weeks

35 Weeks

33 Weeks

30 Weeks26 Weeks

22 Weeks

20 Weeks

17 Weeks

14 Weeks

13 Weeks

6 Weeks

Almost there

Well, since I don't know when Jane will decide to make her appearance in the world I thought I'd post one more time with some updates and feelings I've been having.

We're 37.5 weeks and getting bigger and more uncomfortable as we speak. I was wondering before what people mean when they say that the third trimester, and especially the last few weeks of pregnancy are uncomfortable and I think I got my answer. :) They say that you forget all about it after you have your baby so I decided to write it all down just so that I'll remember it and even have something to compare against next time I go through this. So, here it goes: if you sit too long your back starts hurting or the baby pushes down on your lower belly and that can hurt. If you walk too long you can get contractions; not necessarily painful ones but contractions nonetheless. If you lie on one side your stomach hurts and when you switch to the other side (which could take like a minute or more sometimes) your ribs hurt. You can't lie on your back or belly, of course, your hip joints get sore and painful to move and no matter how little you eat you'll still feel full and have difficulty breathing. Then there's the gas, constipation, swollen ankles sometimes and painful fingers. Yeah, don't know what's up with that one! :)

But even with all this going one, there's no greater and wonderful feeling that those kicks and rolls that the baby does constantly inside your belly. I love just watching my belly move from side to side, things sticking out or just moving under the skin. One time I had the best experience when I saw baby's body actually breathing. Her body was moving up and down very gently. If I wasn't looking I would have never felt it because it was very quiet and gentle. I loved it.

We go to the doctor every week now and every time I feel a little panic when they measure me. At 37 weeks I measured 42 cm and that's a big baby in my opinion. The doctor doesn't seem to think it's that big of a deal even though he does agree that I'm probably very uncomfortable. I'm like, "Yeah, you bet I am! Can we do something about thins?" Of course I don't say it but it would be nice if Jane came out and I could hold her in my arms rather than inside my belly. Last night in my dream I was holding her very close to my chest and it felt so good and natural. I can't wait to meet her and love her.

David is wonderful through all this. He is gone all day still but when he's home he takes care of me and helps me as much as he can. I love it when he kisses my belly before he goes to work and always tells me to take care of myself and the baby. He wants Jane to be born too and even though he's scared about it he is happy and even anxious to meet her. We know that our life will change completely once she arrives but we want her here so bad and we love her a lot.

Back to the pregnancy and how uncomfortable and unpredictable it is, I say, if you think about it too much before you get pregnant, you'll probably never do it. I've talked to and heard people saying how scared they would be to get pregnant and to have a baby; that it would be so hard and that they don't think they could ever do it. I'm not saying it'll be easy but if you just follow your heart and instincts you'll be fine. And when you do get pregnant you'll be very happy and that happiness will surpass any other fear you might experience. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant something changed inside me and from that point on the baby became the priority of my life. I still love David just the same, or even more, I love my family and I'm pretty much the same but the baby is always on my mind and all I want is for her to be happy above everything else. It's the greatest feeling you'll ever experience and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Baby Johansen (Jane) Pregnancy Progress Pictures

Ultrasound 1 - 12 Weeks

Ultrasound 2 - 21 Weeks

Ultrasound 3 - 33 Weeks

Baby and Mommy are well

Blurry picture of Jane's profile

On the 9th of September we had another dr. appointment. Everything went well until the doctor measured me and decided that I was measuring way too high for 33 weeks. The story of this pregnancy! :) He said that measuring 1 or 2 cm more would be ok but according to him I was measuring 5 cm over, which would put me at 37 weeks. So, he recommended that we have another ultrasound to make sure that everything was ok. On the 14 the we had the ultrasound. I was really nervous not knowing what they were going to say. The technician measured a few things in a hurry and gave me a blurry picture after which the doctor showed up and took almost 45 min measuring everything in great detail. It wasn't because he was concerned, but because he thought that the pictures he was able to take were really good and he could use them for his re-certification exam. So, we got the thoroughest exam we will probably ever get. The doctor said that Jane is fine, just measuring a bit bigger than other babies. She is in the 67 percentile weighting approximately 5 lbs 3 oz at 33 weeks (what she would have measured if she were a little over 34 weeks). Her body together with the placenta and the amniotic fluid make for a bigger uterus size for me but nothing of concern. So, baby's well and mom is well and possibly bringing the baby into this world a little earlier than expected.

Romanian BBQ and Baby Shower Fun

At the beginning of August a few of us got together and had a little Romanian BBQ. The Geambasu's brought delicious mici, and we also had other really good food. It was fun to see Irina, Fred and their baby Ashley, Maria, Tayler and bebe Luca who is not a bebe anymore but a cute toddler, and some of the friends who still live around in Utah but we don't get to meet too often. Ever since they found out that I was pregnant, Cristina and Eni decided to organize a baby shower for me. After weeks of preparation Cristina was able to come to Utah from DC and together with Eni they put together the shower. It took place in Pleasant Grove, at Lia's apartment and it was tons of fun. So, who came to the shower? Here's the list: Cristina Boey, Eni Hawkins with her kids Aren and Adam, my sister-in-law Charity and cousin Sara, Claudine Hatch, sora Miron Zenovia from Brasov, Lia Nielson, Eve Jaynes, Ioana Goodwin, Karina Clement, Summer Kaufman, Holly Moore and Mariana Palade. Unfortunately Irina and her sister Ioana couldn't be there but they had shown their support before the shower and I know that their hearts were there with me. We played games, had yummy treats, took pictures and of course I got to open lots of cool gifts. Thank you so much to the organizers and to everyone who came. I was really happy to have you all there.

I just don't understand

Another regular month of our lives... or how 'all we need is a better job' has become our life slogan.

Maybe there isn't anything to understand... Maybe life is just supposed to not work... Maybe we have to suffer... Maybe... Maybe...

You know what? I'm tired of maybes and of hoping. I'm just so tired... But it doesn't seem to matter because apparently there's nothing I can do to change anything. Fast! Pray! Everything is gonna be allright. Everyone's having a hard time right now. It's the stupid economy. You'll be fine. I know how you feel. Life is hard. Welcome to life! We'll pray for you. Pay your tithing. Give to fast offerings. Here's another list of jobs. It can be a lot worse than this. Now you have a story to tell your children!

True story: David finds the best work opportunity yet, about a month ago. Applies to it and realizes that he actually had met someone who worked for the company and who thought he was great and gave him her business card. We go and meet her and she seems happy to see him. She introduces him to the HR lady who tells David that the position he applied for might be already taken by an internal hire but that there is another position that opened up and he should definitely apply for that one as well. She emails David a detailed application and after a few days calls him for a phone interview that goes really well. She sends him a test after which tells him that he needs to have another interview, in person this time, with the manager of the IT department. The interview goes well and they all say that it will only be a few days and he should hear back from them. A week passes and we don't hear anything. We call to follow up. The HR lady seems impressed and says that everyone likes David very much but they are still interviewing a few people who had been referred by employees and it should take another week. On Sept. 2nd, David's birthday, we have a breakfast picnic in our bedroom, I give David a little present, we spend some time together walking around at the mall and dreaming about what we would get when we have a little more money after which David goes to work until almost midnight. I'm happy that I get to wish him happy birthday one more time before his birthday is over. We get home. He checks his email and receives the news we've been so anxious to get for three weeks. A polite message lets him know that the pool of candidates has been narrowed down to just a few and that he is not a part of them but that he can always apply for other opportunities as they arise. It was still his birthday.

Another one: We move into our new apartment and call the person who promised to help us bring our mattress from Midway. We're supposed to meet him in 10 minutes. He seems confused at first about the call and then apologizes that he won't be able to help anymore. So, we sleep on the floor for the next couple of weeks until a good friend offers to help bring the bed over.

Number three: I get a nice gift of money for the baby and am so excited that I can go out and actually get a few things that we still need for when the baby gets here. A few days later David spills soup all over his jeans and nice shoes only a few minutes before he needs to leave for work in the morning. He has no other pair of jeans and he gets to wear his broken shoes to work again, all while smelling like soup for the rest of the day. It's one of those long, 16 hour days that he will have to work today; second one this week and after not having a day of rest in about a month now. If I just didn't spend all the money and we got him another pair of cheap jeans...

Last one: Through some miracle David doesn't work the Thursday morning when I'm having my doctor's appointment. We go in. My blood pressure - good, baby's heartbeat 150 - good. After measuring me the doctor seems very concerned though that my measurement is way off. I'm 32 weeks and I measure 37. He goes and talks with someone then comes back telling us that we need an ultrasound to make sure that everything is ok. Another $400 ultrasound but it's our baby and all we care about is for me and her to be healthy. Rent and utilities due in two weeks. Another month of student loan payments that we won't be able to make; hopefully they approve us and the payments will be deferred for a while... Gas cost a lot this month again... all this commuting to Salt Lake, then driving to Riverwoods, then back to Springville seems to put quite a strain on the car. Those breaks are squeaky but hopefully won't beak down. This is the only way David can get to work.

Or maybe this is the last one... On Monday I have the first of four childbirth classes. I shouldn't have used the last bit of credit on that card to register for it but I am scared about this 'natural' yet so unpredictable event that I know I'll have to go through in only a few more weeks. David works a 16 hour day again on Monday and won't be there with me. Actually I don't know if I'll even make it as he will have the car and the class is in Provo. He tells me that he'll leave work in SLC early to come get me, I'll drop him off at Borders and then I'll have the car to go to class. He'll ask Borders to not schedule him on Monday nights for the next few weeks so he could come to the last 3 classes with me. Of course, that means he'll make less money but he loves me and knows how much I need him.

He suffers. I suffer. We encourage each other but they all seem empty words. He tries so hard to take care of us but he looks so tired all the time. He never sleeps. And then there's the trains passing constantly by only 20 feet from our apartment.

Last year at this time we were just getting settled in Ireland. A month and a half later we came back and started our life over hoping for some better times. We're still hoping as we hold each other tight. I try not to cry anymore. I don't want the baby to feel my pain. Maybe she'll be born soon and then at least she won't feel my physical pain anymore. I hope we'll be fine. I hope she's healthy. I hope David will make $2000/month soon... I hope I'll be able to work after she is born... I hope... I hope...

No Gestational Diabetes!

Short post! I had another doctor's appointment on Tuesday and the doctor told me that I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm so happy. That means that the baby should be fine and that I don't have to be on a diet! I'm still watching what I'm eating but I'm glad I don't have to make drastic changes or choices. Also the measurements were good and the heartbeat sounded ok too. The doctor didn't tell me the numbers but I'll ask next time because I like knowing how we're doing.

Funny story: I was lying down getting ready for the doctor to listen to the heartbeat. He puts the gel on my tummy and then comes with the Doppler and just as he puts the device on my skin the baby kicks it away! It was so funny to watch. She did it a couple of times in a row and the doctor was like: "it looks like she didn't like that!" I smiled but it made me proud to be her mommy. She's got personality! Hahaha! Way to go little one!

Doing well

Hello everyone! Heaven't posted much in a while and that's because even though things have happened they were kind of normal pregnancy developments or work-related. Today I decided that it's about time to post an update on how we're doing, knowing that more things will happen in the next few weeks that I will want to write about as well.

So, life's been ok for us. David switched jobs within Simply Mac once again. He was initially hired part time to teach computer programs and usage to customers. Then, after doing really good in the sales department they made him full time but also asked him if he would be a sales guy. He doesn't like selling all that much but given the opportunity to work full time he accepted the challenge. After only a month of working hard doing sales a new position opened up. It was a full time teaching position, exactly what he wanted and enjoys doing so he asked the management if he could get that and they okayed it. So, starting August he works as a full time SA guy which he enjoys much more and also fits his career goals and personality. He continues working at Borders part time and puts really long days every week. I wish I could say that all his hard work is paying off financially... Things are better for us and improving slowly but there's still a long way to financial freedom and lack of major worries. We're still trying to find one job that would be both rewarding and financially stable. All this hard work and long days away from home puts a lot of stress on David and me. We don't get to spend time together and do much other than say good morning to each other in the morning and greet each other with a warm hug and a nice home-made meal (when I have the energy to make it) at night. It's hard and I really hope that his schedule will change before our little girl arrives in November because I know how much he wants to be around to love her and see her grow.

On a more positive note, our baby girl is growing fast and seems to be happy and full of energy. At the last doctor's appointment the doctor said that all the measurements are normal, including her heartbeat, which was at 140. I get so excited every time I hear her heartbeat and I thought that this time it sounded more like a heart than it did before, one more sign that she's growing and developing. On the 29th of July I had to have a mandatory glucose test (they do it sometime between the 24th and 28th week - mine was at 26 weeks) and unfortunately my glucose level was a little high so today I went in and had a three hour test, during which they have me a whole bottle of orangey, really sweet glucose drink and took blood from my arms four!!! times. Not fun. I couldn't eat for almost 16 hours and my arms are now purple and a little painful but what I really hope is that both baby and I will be ok and healthy.

One other thing that happened a couple of weeks ago is the fact that we found a cute two-bedroom apartment in Springville (just South of Provo) that we think will be great for us and our little girl. We signed the contract already and will be able to move in anytime after the first week of August when all the paining, cleaning and other work that the manager wanted to get done should be finished.

These past few weeks had been a little more fun for me thanks to my friends Eni and Lia as well. We went to see Eclipse together and just yesterday we had a great time at the Seven Peaks water park in Provo. Eclipse was awesome. It's so far my most favorite movie in the Twilight series. As I keep telling everyone, I love the books but the movies didn't impress me at all until I saw Eclipse, which was more dynamic and interesting (except for the part where the vampires break into pieces as if they were made of glass or marble). The day at Seven Peaks was fun too. The morning was hot and perfect but the afternoon brought lots of rain and thunderstorms which lingered through the night and half of today as well. Even with the rain I did manage to get a nice sunburn on my shoulders, which I kind of missed since back in Romania we used to go to the beach for a couple of weeks every summer and burn and be happy. :) So much fun. I miss those days and the Black Sea. Speaking of which, I can't believe that last time I visited Romania and my family was in 2006, before we got married and that last time I went to the beach in Mamaia was in 2004. Time flies when you're busy and I can't believe that I've been married for a little over three years, I graduated college and I'll be having a baby in about 13 weeks. I'm content with my life and with all the experiences I've been through these past years since I left. I am in love like I've never been before and I'm so happy to become a mommy. Little girl is kicking me in my ribs :) so I guess I'll go lie down for a few minutes but I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you my dear friends and family for being here for us and for loving us unconditionally. I love you too.

Our Love Story

I've been thinking about writing the story of how David and I met for a long time... actually since before we got married, but for some bizarre reason I never got around to doing it. I hope that I haven't forgotten the most important details of our relationship.

Let me start a few months before I met him because this does play a part in the story. It was towards the end of the fall semester 2005. The year's been good as far as school and work were concerned, but not as good as I wanted, especially in the "boys department". The year before, I dated Aric for a few weeks but apparently the impact had been greater than I realized. After stopping seeing each other I was left with a broken heart and a fear of trying. I didn't trust that I had anything to offer to any guy or that anyone would ever try to get close to me again. With that in mind, I heard a lot of talk at BYU about a challenge that the President of the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints, Gordon B. Hinckley made to all the members. He promised that if one would read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year, he/she will receive the blessing of the Spirit and many other blessings. What I felt that I wanted and needed the most was to find a nice young man who would fall in love with me and who I would fall in love with, eventually getting married. So, with only a few weeks left until the end of the year I started listening to the book whenever I wasn't doing anything else. After putting quite a few hours into this activity I finally finished the book on December 31st at 10:06PM. I knew that I did my part. Now I could just wait for the promise to come true. And it started working... I started going out with different guys quite a bit. I was being liked by guys and I liked some back but not to the extent of possibly getting married. The winter semester kept me really busy. I applied and got accepted to go to France (Dunkirk) on an internship, I was doing well in school and I liked my computer lab assistant job. Everything was perfect, except I still hadn't met 'the one'. I eventually decided not to go to France because I needed to work full time during the summer so by the beginning of spring term I was being very busy working 40 hours a week. I was also getting tired and bored with doing only one thing all the time so I decided to look up folk dance classes. If I took one I could practice more, learn new stuff and have some fun. The only class that fit my work schedule was Beginning Irish taught by Jeanette Geslison. It was a class I had already attended before but since it was taught by someone different and I really didn't have any other class to choose from I decided to show up one day, about a week into the term. The students were already testing but I got to dance even though I couldn't remember everything very well. That day in May was the first time I met and danced with David. There were a couple more guys in the class but none as attractive as he was. Plus, I wasn't there for the guys. Jeanette said that she would approve me to stay in the class so I stayed and had fun. I would dance with David every class period and we would walk home together after class. I started to like him and I could tell that he liked me a little bit too. I remember that one time I invited him to the Krishna Temple festival and another time we went together to an Irish contest in Salt Lake. We had fun together and eventually our walks home became longer and longer and we also went on walks that were not after the Irish class; dates, sort of... We would talk about our life, our experiences, the things we like and the things we'd like to do.

The first time David held my hand was one day after Irish class. He was walking me to work, as he's done other times before and as we walked out of the RB, going up a long flight of stairs, he grabbed my hand. Neither one of us said anything about it. It was a little awkward and I was pretty shy and probably red in my cheeks but I didn't pull my hand away. After that, holding hands became natural and something we did all the time. Others started to notice us holding hands and my roommates kept asking me if he's kissed me already.

The kissing came a few weeks later. We went to Salt Lake and it was evening and we were walking at the Gateway. And I don't really remember why we went to Salt Lake or what we did. All I remember is that we sat on some rocks by a little river at the Gateway and he took my face and kissed me on the mouth. I was sooooooooo nervous, I was shaking really bad. The kiss was pretty short but I loved it. I was so happy and I knew then that we might end up married. I think this happened in July but I don't remember if it was before or after Independence Day. We spent Independence Day with David's family who were visiting Utah from Japan for the summer. I remember being nervous to meet them but it turned out fine. Unfortunately the only other time I met them that summer was when we took them to the airport. Oh, there's one detail that I just remembered about the kissing episode. One of my roommates was friends with one of David's roommates and would visit their apartment all the time. She knew that David and I were dating and asked me several times if he'd kissed me. I would keep telling her that he hadn't but that I really wanted him to. So, one day soon after we'd actually kissed, she asked me again and I triumphantly said 'yes'! :) To that she was like: 'Finally he did it. I told him that he should do it but he kept putting it aside saying that he wasn't sure if it was too early to do it." I was like: 'What?' We laughed and I was so thankful that she talked to David even though I felt a little embarrassed too.

The summer was almost ending and a new semester was going to start soon. Another thing to remember happened at the beginning of October. It was Homecoming night and we went up on a hill by the Y Mountain to watch the fireworks. On the way to the car we decided to just walk around a little longer and look at the pretty houses that were up there since it was a very nice evening. It was during that walk that I knew that we were going to get married. I had no doubt in my mind and I kind of said it out loud at one point as we were looking at some house and I said something like 'I'd like OUR house to be...'. I quickly said something else hoping that he didn't get what I said the first time and I was lucky, as he didn't seem to have noticed and kept talking.

The semester was progressing. David and I had only one class together, clogging. Not my favorite but one of his. And he was doing pretty good in it too. I was doing allright but seeing him succeed so easily started getting to me and soon enough I became jealous of him. I couldn't stand it and would frequently get upset and even cry when he would tell me how do dance better and I didn't want to be around him in that class anymore. I eventually started getting upset and thinking over everything he did or said and I started considering him as a competitor. I loved dancing but he was the one succeeding and I was being slow at making progress. Plus, he was always such a show off! I decided I didn't want us to see each other for a while. I didn't know for how long or if I ever wanted to see him again but I stopped talking to him completely. I wasn't happy and I would watch him when he wasn't looking but I was scared and afraid. Everything was happening so quickly and I felt threatened and unimportant. After one of the happiest summers of my life I was deciding if I was ever going to see David again. All the letters and messages he sent apologizing and asking me what he could do to make things better, made me even more sad and confused. All this went on for about a month, until one night when, even though I was really tired, I decided to say hi to Chris Chan, one of my friends and a guy who liked me for sometime. He knew about David and he asked me why I was so determined to end the relationship. I realized right then that I was wrong; that my reasons were, most of them wrong and that I loved him and wanted to be with him. At the end of our next clogging class I went and sat across from David. Rosie, one of our classmates gave him an invitation to some activity and when she left I suggested if he would maybe like to take someone on a date for the event. We left together and decided to meet again later that evening. He came and we talked outside, in front of my apartment at the Avenues for hours but what made that evening perfect was our make-up kiss and hug. I wanted so desperately to kiss him and it was one of our most passionate kisses we've ever had. Of course that we got back together but even now, almost four years after David still reminds me of how much sadness I inflicted upon him and how he would cry himself to sleep many nights. He said that he knew that getting back together was the right thing to do but it wasn't easy for him to just forgive and forget.

After this incident things started looking much better and in November we started looking for engagement rings. Didn't buy one, as we wanted it to be a surprise for me but he still needed to know what I like and what my size was. At the end of December we went to Romania together. It was so much fun to spend Christmas with my family and have David there with us too. Little did I know that I was going to have the happiest Christmas of my life. After wrapping up the gifts David told everyone, except my dad to leave the living room. We left and a few minutes after my dad came out and told me to go in. I was so nervous. I went in and we sat on the couch and David asked me in Romanian: "Vrei sa te casatoresti cu mine?" - meaning 'will you marry me". I said "yes" and he slipped a beautiful ring on my finger. I was so happy. We kissed and then told everyone. My parents already knew, as he asked for their permission first, in Romanian still. Everything went well after that and we got married on March 3rd, 2007 at the Manti, UT temple. Our marriage wasn't easy for the first couple of years but I'll leave that for another story. Suffices to say that I love David with all my heart and I never regret the decision to marry him. He is the one man in this world who makes me happy and loves me. I know that we'll be together for the rest of our lives and that we are a 'match made in heaven'. :) I love you David, with all my heart!

We're having the cutest baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's about time for some updates from the Johansens. Life's been stressful and good all of the same time. Stressful because David is still looking for a job that would provide for us. He still works his two jobs but as more loan payments, doctors appointments and ultrasounds keep piling up, our money keeps disappearing. I know that money tends to do that but in our case it just comes and goes and we don't even get to look at it and feel better about all the long hours David puts into earning this hard worked for money. And I don't know if it's pregnancy or what but I keep thinking that I'd love to be able to buy diapers, a crib, bedding, clothes and bottles for our little baby but there's no money for it. I've been trying to find some work online but wasn't very successful there and it just kills me to bring this baby into our family and not be able to provide for her.

Speaking of HER... Yes, we are now 99% sure that our baby is a little girl! he 20 weeks ultrasound confirmed, more or less the fact and we'd like to believe that it was right. Why aren't we 100 % sure? It seems that our little girl is pretty stubborn. Every time we tried to look at her she would keep her legs really tight. We only got a couple sneak peeks, which was apparently enough for the tech and doctor to declare that they're very positive that this is a girl. We do have a picture to prove it but what do we know? She would not show us a profile either so we got pictures of her bum, feet, legs and back of her head but no cute little face. Shy little thing! LOL Anyway, as far as we could tell she looked great and she seems to be strong and healthy... and moving a lot! She moved all the time, which made us laugh but got the ultrasound tech a bit frustrated. :) So, no reason for me to be worried that baby is not moving, even though I still can't seem to feel her a whole lot. After going to the doctor, a few days before the ultrasound I was still a little concerned. We did hear her heartbeat again but the doctor kept asking me "So, would you say you feel her move three times a day? Or how many?" And I was like "Well, can't really say that I ever felt her move..." And then she finds the heartbeat and the baby moves as we were listening and the doctor was like "Did you feel that?" and I was like "Ummm... noooo?". Anyway, it turns out that all those ticklings, like gas bubbles that I feel sometimes in my tummy are actually the baby and I swear that a couple of times she went all the way at the lowest part of my tummy and was just laying there, cause I felt this heaviness and when I touched it it was like a little bump that moved away after a second or so. So, I know that she's fine even though I only feel her every once in a while and not even every day.

So, now that we got used to the idea that it's a girl and not a boy, as almost everyone I know predicted, including ourselves, we are really excited and talk to her and about her all the time. We just love her so much! We don't have a name picked yet but hopefully that will happen soon.

Here are a few pictures of our little girl, the best that we can come up with as of right now. My most favorite is the one of her foot. :) I really hope that we'll get to see her one more time before she's born and that we'll actually get a clearer view of her gender and of her cute little face just so that there won't be any gender-related surprises. LOL Enjoy!

We're not shopping at Smith's... At least for a while...

The title might sound weird but we have a pretty good reason to make that statement.

Last Saturday evening, after spending a few hours enjoying our evening, we decided that we wanted to buy a few things from Smith's before going home. We went to the store, got the stuff we needed and went to the checkout. We were a little frustrated that all the registers were pretty full and we had to wait in line but eventually chose one of the registers and started waiting. You know how when you stand in line all the other lines seem to move faster than yours? That's what happened this time and to make things worse, our cashier leaves the register unattended and disappears in a room behind the Customer Service desk. It's an understatement to say that we got even more frustrated but soon the cashier's place was taken by another cashier. She checked out the two people in front of me and starts scanning my stuff but stops in the middle of the job to make a phone call! I looked at her not believing my eyes and without trying too hard I got to listen in the conversation. She was calling 911 to report a robbery that apparently just happened in the store. She looked pretty shaken up when she asked the dispatcher to send the police immediately because they believed that the suspect was carrying a gun. This definitely got my attention. I looked at David, who was on the other side of the cart, on my left but didn't really think too much about what she said. As she scanned a couple more of my things, we see two police officers walk into the store and go to the room behind the Customer Service desk. After some seconds we hear someone shout a few times "Put your gun down!" At that point we kind of freaked out and as all the cashiers instructed everyone to get down, we crouched down and hid behind the checkout stands. As everyone in the store got to the ground we heard several gun shots followed by a few more. The cashier behind me started crying and screaming which, to tell you the truth didn't help the situation. I was already scared but hearing her panic brought me to tears. All I could think about was that I was right in front of the Customer Service desk and the very first person in line and if the guy with the gun decided to come out and shoot anything or anyone I would be a pretty easy target. That didn't happen, fortunately, and after a few more minutes we were all safely evacuated from the store. Outside there were about 10 police cars, a couple ambulances and a fire truck and lots of people. As I said before, the store was pretty busy so there were lots of people in the parking lot as we exited. We didn't really know what the outcome of the situation was but after a few more minutes police blocked all the entrances to the parking lot and the area in front of the entrance. We waited around for about an hour and eventually decided that there was no reason to wait for our groceries since the store wasn't going to open any time soon.

The next day at church we met another person who happened to be in the store at the same time we were and he told us that he found out that the robber was killed by the police. We had my WIC documents to pick up from Smith's so we needed to return there to get them but it was such an eerie feeling walking back there and going through the check out again. The room where the whole thing happened was still blocked off and it looked like all the stuff inside had been taken out.

It's such a weird experience to be in a situation where your life could be threatened. Everything happens so fast. I'm guessing that people who loose their lives in such situations don't even realize what just happened to them immediately after they die. I don't know... But I can tell you that I now know that I don't like the sound of gun shots.

Here's a link to the story as it was published on ksl 5. You can even see David and myself in the video.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=10707188