I just don't understand

Another regular month of our lives... or how 'all we need is a better job' has become our life slogan.

Maybe there isn't anything to understand... Maybe life is just supposed to not work... Maybe we have to suffer... Maybe... Maybe...

You know what? I'm tired of maybes and of hoping. I'm just so tired... But it doesn't seem to matter because apparently there's nothing I can do to change anything. Fast! Pray! Everything is gonna be allright. Everyone's having a hard time right now. It's the stupid economy. You'll be fine. I know how you feel. Life is hard. Welcome to life! We'll pray for you. Pay your tithing. Give to fast offerings. Here's another list of jobs. It can be a lot worse than this. Now you have a story to tell your children!

True story: David finds the best work opportunity yet, about a month ago. Applies to it and realizes that he actually had met someone who worked for the company and who thought he was great and gave him her business card. We go and meet her and she seems happy to see him. She introduces him to the HR lady who tells David that the position he applied for might be already taken by an internal hire but that there is another position that opened up and he should definitely apply for that one as well. She emails David a detailed application and after a few days calls him for a phone interview that goes really well. She sends him a test after which tells him that he needs to have another interview, in person this time, with the manager of the IT department. The interview goes well and they all say that it will only be a few days and he should hear back from them. A week passes and we don't hear anything. We call to follow up. The HR lady seems impressed and says that everyone likes David very much but they are still interviewing a few people who had been referred by employees and it should take another week. On Sept. 2nd, David's birthday, we have a breakfast picnic in our bedroom, I give David a little present, we spend some time together walking around at the mall and dreaming about what we would get when we have a little more money after which David goes to work until almost midnight. I'm happy that I get to wish him happy birthday one more time before his birthday is over. We get home. He checks his email and receives the news we've been so anxious to get for three weeks. A polite message lets him know that the pool of candidates has been narrowed down to just a few and that he is not a part of them but that he can always apply for other opportunities as they arise. It was still his birthday.

Another one: We move into our new apartment and call the person who promised to help us bring our mattress from Midway. We're supposed to meet him in 10 minutes. He seems confused at first about the call and then apologizes that he won't be able to help anymore. So, we sleep on the floor for the next couple of weeks until a good friend offers to help bring the bed over.

Number three: I get a nice gift of money for the baby and am so excited that I can go out and actually get a few things that we still need for when the baby gets here. A few days later David spills soup all over his jeans and nice shoes only a few minutes before he needs to leave for work in the morning. He has no other pair of jeans and he gets to wear his broken shoes to work again, all while smelling like soup for the rest of the day. It's one of those long, 16 hour days that he will have to work today; second one this week and after not having a day of rest in about a month now. If I just didn't spend all the money and we got him another pair of cheap jeans...

Last one: Through some miracle David doesn't work the Thursday morning when I'm having my doctor's appointment. We go in. My blood pressure - good, baby's heartbeat 150 - good. After measuring me the doctor seems very concerned though that my measurement is way off. I'm 32 weeks and I measure 37. He goes and talks with someone then comes back telling us that we need an ultrasound to make sure that everything is ok. Another $400 ultrasound but it's our baby and all we care about is for me and her to be healthy. Rent and utilities due in two weeks. Another month of student loan payments that we won't be able to make; hopefully they approve us and the payments will be deferred for a while... Gas cost a lot this month again... all this commuting to Salt Lake, then driving to Riverwoods, then back to Springville seems to put quite a strain on the car. Those breaks are squeaky but hopefully won't beak down. This is the only way David can get to work.

Or maybe this is the last one... On Monday I have the first of four childbirth classes. I shouldn't have used the last bit of credit on that card to register for it but I am scared about this 'natural' yet so unpredictable event that I know I'll have to go through in only a few more weeks. David works a 16 hour day again on Monday and won't be there with me. Actually I don't know if I'll even make it as he will have the car and the class is in Provo. He tells me that he'll leave work in SLC early to come get me, I'll drop him off at Borders and then I'll have the car to go to class. He'll ask Borders to not schedule him on Monday nights for the next few weeks so he could come to the last 3 classes with me. Of course, that means he'll make less money but he loves me and knows how much I need him.

He suffers. I suffer. We encourage each other but they all seem empty words. He tries so hard to take care of us but he looks so tired all the time. He never sleeps. And then there's the trains passing constantly by only 20 feet from our apartment.

Last year at this time we were just getting settled in Ireland. A month and a half later we came back and started our life over hoping for some better times. We're still hoping as we hold each other tight. I try not to cry anymore. I don't want the baby to feel my pain. Maybe she'll be born soon and then at least she won't feel my physical pain anymore. I hope we'll be fine. I hope she's healthy. I hope David will make $2000/month soon... I hope I'll be able to work after she is born... I hope... I hope...

Doing well

Hello everyone! Heaven't posted much in a while and that's because even though things have happened they were kind of normal pregnancy developments or work-related. Today I decided that it's about time to post an update on how we're doing, knowing that more things will happen in the next few weeks that I will want to write about as well.

So, life's been ok for us. David switched jobs within Simply Mac once again. He was initially hired part time to teach computer programs and usage to customers. Then, after doing really good in the sales department they made him full time but also asked him if he would be a sales guy. He doesn't like selling all that much but given the opportunity to work full time he accepted the challenge. After only a month of working hard doing sales a new position opened up. It was a full time teaching position, exactly what he wanted and enjoys doing so he asked the management if he could get that and they okayed it. So, starting August he works as a full time SA guy which he enjoys much more and also fits his career goals and personality. He continues working at Borders part time and puts really long days every week. I wish I could say that all his hard work is paying off financially... Things are better for us and improving slowly but there's still a long way to financial freedom and lack of major worries. We're still trying to find one job that would be both rewarding and financially stable. All this hard work and long days away from home puts a lot of stress on David and me. We don't get to spend time together and do much other than say good morning to each other in the morning and greet each other with a warm hug and a nice home-made meal (when I have the energy to make it) at night. It's hard and I really hope that his schedule will change before our little girl arrives in November because I know how much he wants to be around to love her and see her grow.

On a more positive note, our baby girl is growing fast and seems to be happy and full of energy. At the last doctor's appointment the doctor said that all the measurements are normal, including her heartbeat, which was at 140. I get so excited every time I hear her heartbeat and I thought that this time it sounded more like a heart than it did before, one more sign that she's growing and developing. On the 29th of July I had to have a mandatory glucose test (they do it sometime between the 24th and 28th week - mine was at 26 weeks) and unfortunately my glucose level was a little high so today I went in and had a three hour test, during which they have me a whole bottle of orangey, really sweet glucose drink and took blood from my arms four!!! times. Not fun. I couldn't eat for almost 16 hours and my arms are now purple and a little painful but what I really hope is that both baby and I will be ok and healthy.

One other thing that happened a couple of weeks ago is the fact that we found a cute two-bedroom apartment in Springville (just South of Provo) that we think will be great for us and our little girl. We signed the contract already and will be able to move in anytime after the first week of August when all the paining, cleaning and other work that the manager wanted to get done should be finished.

These past few weeks had been a little more fun for me thanks to my friends Eni and Lia as well. We went to see Eclipse together and just yesterday we had a great time at the Seven Peaks water park in Provo. Eclipse was awesome. It's so far my most favorite movie in the Twilight series. As I keep telling everyone, I love the books but the movies didn't impress me at all until I saw Eclipse, which was more dynamic and interesting (except for the part where the vampires break into pieces as if they were made of glass or marble). The day at Seven Peaks was fun too. The morning was hot and perfect but the afternoon brought lots of rain and thunderstorms which lingered through the night and half of today as well. Even with the rain I did manage to get a nice sunburn on my shoulders, which I kind of missed since back in Romania we used to go to the beach for a couple of weeks every summer and burn and be happy. :) So much fun. I miss those days and the Black Sea. Speaking of which, I can't believe that last time I visited Romania and my family was in 2006, before we got married and that last time I went to the beach in Mamaia was in 2004. Time flies when you're busy and I can't believe that I've been married for a little over three years, I graduated college and I'll be having a baby in about 13 weeks. I'm content with my life and with all the experiences I've been through these past years since I left. I am in love like I've never been before and I'm so happy to become a mommy. Little girl is kicking me in my ribs :) so I guess I'll go lie down for a few minutes but I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you my dear friends and family for being here for us and for loving us unconditionally. I love you too.

Good news! Finally...

Hello dear friends! We finally have some good news to share with you. It's about time, you might say and I totally agree with you! :) It's not fun when life is hard and to tell you the truth I'm really tired of it. As some might say, "I've had it!"But back to the story. In January we decided that it was time for our family to grow a little so we started trying for a little Johansen Jr. I read books, such as "What to expect before you're expecting" which proved very interesting but didn't give me much of hope that I will become pregnant any time soon. Apparently, after being on birth control for a while, some women take between 6 months and a year to get pregnant while others conceive very soon. I didn't feel like I was the fast type, even though my mom assured me that if I inherited any of her genes it won't be long. :) Sometime at the end of February I wasn't feeling very well so I thought I'd try a pregnancy test. The result was almost positive. Why almost? Because it was negative but there was a second feint line that showed a possibility of being pregnant. I was pretty disappointed but continued to read books on what to do to be healthy and ready for a baby. Things went better than we expected and on March 9th we found out through the miracle of home-testing that we are going to have a baby! Being as skeptical as I was, David bought me a new test, as the one I had at home was about to expire. Not knowing that he will buy a new test, I myself bought one just to be sure. Well, I ended up trying 5 more different tests, all of them showing a positive result!!!! Crazy, I know. After about a week of feeling nauseous we went to a clinic in Salt Lake and their test confirmed what we already knew. We are gong to have a baby and he/she will apparently be born at the beginning of November! We are very excited and nervous at the same time.
The other good news is that David had a second interview with Simply Mac, a computers and accessories store, and they offered him a part time position! We really hope that it will become full time soon but for now David is trying to find a second job so that we could move in our own apartment and get ready for the little one that is growing and making me tired and not so fun to be around. :) You women out there surely know what I'm talking about. Even though the pregnancy's been pretty easy on me so far I'm still not my best and I can tell that something is happening in my body. I can't wait to have the first ultrasound at the beginning of April, just to be sure that everything is ok. Did any of you, moms out there ever fee; uncertain and scared that maybe the baby isn't ok? Especially when you can't see any changes in your appearance at the beginning of your pregnancy? I sometimes feel that way but David tries to calm me down and assure me that everything is fine.

Anyway, this is our news so far. We hope that all of you are happy and doing well and we love you and wish you only great things!