Jane is One Month Old!

I can't believe it. Jane is one month old already. It's been a pretty easy first month. We spent much time together getting to know each other. I can pretty much tell every time what Jane wants. It's pretty neat and interesting how such a small baby can communicate exactly what she needs and wants even though she can't talk and doesn't even hold her head up all the time. Speaking of holding her head, the first time she lifted it up by herself was when she was 5 days old. I had her on her tummy, propped up on my leg and she pretty much lifted herself a couple of times. It was so cool. Ch also started smiling around 3 weeks and now, at 4 weeks she smiles even more. We can't get her to smile but she does it when she feels like it.

We had our two week appointment and found out that Jane weighted 10 lbs (90 percentile) at the time and was 21 1/4 in long (95 percentile). I'm sure she's grown more since then. She is also healthy and progresses well.

We had some trouble with breastfeeding. At first I breastfed her exclusively but I was making very little milk so the nurses advised me to supplement with formula. We started her on Similac and she didn't fuss from hunger anymore but started spitting up more. We tried Similac with soy but that one smelled bad and gave her a lot of gas then finally decided on Similac Sensitive which seems to sit a little better with her. As I was hurting pretty bad, I started pumping and feeding her breast milk in the mean time and my supply increased a little but not a lot. After not giving her the breast for a while she didn't seem happy when we started that again but we're working on getting used to it again. It's just a little uncomfortable for her when the milk lets down and a gush of it fills her mouth. She chokes every time and starts crying. Sleeping's been really good the first month. She'd sleep about 4 hours straight every night and then she'd wake up to eat and be changed and would fall asleep for a few hours more. That changed recently. She sleeps in the evenings and nothing seems to wake her up but then she wakes up around 10pm and doesn't fall asleep until 1 or 2 in the morning. Then she sleeps for 2 to 4 hours after which she wakes up on and off all morning until around 2pm. We're trying to get her on a better schedule.

Her first bath (sponge bath) was pretty nice. She didn't cry much. She didn't cry when we gave her the first real bath either but taking her out of the water scared her, especially when she got cold, and that really made her cry. She doesn't mind the bath, just the after-bath experience.

My feelings had been a roller coaster this first month. In the beginning when I saw that I wasn't able to nurse her well I was really disappointed and felt like I wasn't a good enough mother for my little baby. When she didn't want to take the breast anymore after not eating that way for a couple of weeks I felt rejected and like I wasn't needed anymore. Those feelings went away as they came but it's interesting how many different feelings a new mom can experience. The feeling of being lonely and as if something was missing was something else I went through in the beginning as well. I realized that I missed my belly, feeling Jane inside me and having her with me all the time. I cried the first couple of times I left her with my mom or David at home. I knew that she was going to be ok but I had a really hard time leaving her. I still miss her a lot when I go somewhere without her and it feels so good when I come back and hold her and smell her. I love her sweet baby smell, I love staring at her tiny face and I could do it for hours, I love holding her small, light body in my arms, feeding her, playing with her, listening to her quiet sounds, kissing her chubby cheeks and her cute feet and I love it when she grabs me tight with her little hands or when she "kisses" me when she's hungry and looks for food everywhere. I just love Jane and am oh so happy to have her in my life.