My Breastfeeding Experience...

... hasn't been too great. Why you might ask? Well, I think it's because I haven't done it right. The lack of experience definitely had something to do with it. Before giving birth to Jane I was sure that I was going to exclusively breastfeed so, as soon as I woke up after she was born they brought her to me and I put her to the breast. I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was from seeing others do it and from what I read in books or online. The nurse was there with me but she didn't help too much. The next day a lactation consultant came by and showed me a few tricks. She said that Jane was latching on properly so everything was great. Except me. I was in so much pain that I cried every time I put her to the breast. She seemed to be constantly hungry too so I had to feed her constantly but she still didn't seem to be getting enough. I asked a nurse what else I could do to have more colostrum and she said that the milk will eventually come in and then I'll have enough but for now I could supplement with formula. This was the first thing I did wrong. I accepted to supplement. The formula would come through a tube that I had to put in Jane's mouth after she latched on. The pain was excruciating especially when the tube would poke me while she was sucking. When we got home from the hospital I decide to take a short break from breastfeeding. Second mistake. I thought that I would pump and give her that milk with some formula in between if I wasn't pumping enough. Of course that all the formula was done through a plastic nipple. After about a week both my incision and the nipple pain started feeling better but I wasn't making much milk so I thought I'd continue supplementing not realizing that only by Jane sucking I would get more milk. Every time I had let down though the milk came out in a huge gush and Jane always choked with it and cried afterwards especially when after that gush of milk nothing else came out. After about a month of doing both, my milk supply was so low that I thought that I just can't make milk. My Mom said that she never had any milk for any of us so that's probably why I'm not making much. Misconception number 3. I kept on pumping because Jane would get really frustrated when nothing came out, and I also fed her formula. When I tried putting her at the breast again she wouldn't take it. By now she got used to the bottle and didn't like what the breast felt like in her mouth anymore. I tried to force her but she would just scream and refuse to take it. I looked online and asked people what I could do to make more milk and tried to follow all the advise I got that seemed pertinent. I have to confess that I didn't pump as much as I should have even when Jane wasn't crying or my Mom watched her. That would be mistake number 4 and the last one. Currently Jane is 3 months old and mostly formula fed. I rented a hospital-grade breast-pump that I use twice a day to get about 1oz of milk that I call "Jane's daily vitamin". I don't know how long I'll keep this up. I really feel bad and don't want to give breastfeeding up even though she's not really breastfeeding. I'm determined to do things differently next time but for now I'll just work with what I got.