New Baby in our House

Well, when we decided to have our babies close to each other in age we thought that even though it would be hard having little ones at the same time, it wouldn't be impossible to deal with. The first couple of days after Alyss and I came home from the hospital seemed to try to prove the exact opposite. The first day, Monday I asked David to stay home and help me even though my mom was here and very willing to help. I needed him to be with me and to help me go through the baby blues, the pain from giving birth and having an episiotomy and really swollen hemorrhoids and the huge adjustment that having a toddler and a new baby might've required. So, even though that day wasn't the best day of my life, it wasn't too bad either.

The next day though David went to work and possibly the hardest day of my life was just about to begin. Jane woke up crying and never stopped throughout the day. Alyss was being as good as a newborn can be, just fussing whenever she needed to eat, but because of the extra tension and Jane's crying she decided that she should be crying as well. On top of this craziness I was in really bad pain. The episiotomy hurt, my bottom hurt, I had cramps, my breasts started making milk and were heavy and painful, my nipples were sore from breastfeeding and I was pretty constipated and really needed to get some relief. Well, It took me almost all day to find the relief I needed while having Jane with me in the bathroom crying and throwing tantrums, holding unto me wherever I went and screaming uncontrollably every time I held Alyss to feed her or to change her diaper. Never thought that Jane was going to have such a hard time accepting Alyss  but she seemed to feel really lonely and abandoned. I kept crying and feeling so sad for her. I wanted to reassure her that I still loved her. I kept telling her that but she didn't seem to hear me. I thought that she really hated me for bringing Alyss home.

At the end of the day when David came home I was such a mess that I burst into tears and couldn't stop for a long while. I felt that things were never going to get better, that I was going crazy and that I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up realizing that all of it was just a nightmare.

Since then, things have changed quite a bit. Jane is now more accepting of Alyss. She pats her head sometimes and gives her the binky. In the beginning she wouldn't let Alyss close to her, she wanted to sleep on top of her when we put Alyss in bed with us, and she even tried hitting her a few times.
Things are still crazy and I still feel sometimes that I reached my limits but I love these two so much and I really want them to be happy. I sometimes feel sad that I don't get to spend as much time with Jane as I used to and that I can't give Alyss as much attention as I gave Jane when she was a newborn. I believe now that I can deal with this new situation, even though it isn't going to be easy and I really hope that I will be able to manage my time well and also be able to enjoy life and the excitement of having two beautiful and sweet baby girls.